It can be challenging for parents to keep children happy while the whole family is stuck at home due to the coronavirus pandemic.
As parents we always help with homework and make sure our children have responsibilities like chores, but the extended time families are spending together during the current crisis creates new challenges.
It is important, for parents and children to be consistent and maintain a sense of control. This includes creating schedules, and communicating clear expectations and guidelines.
‘… help children become more self-motivated …’
Wendy Grolnick, a psychologist and parenting expert who has worked with parents in disaster situations, has studied how parents can help children become more self-motivated. She recommends involving children in decision-making and setting schedules. As parents we must be empathetic and understanding to the emotions of children.
She shares some strategies on how to make the household run more smoothly during the coronavirus crisis.
Involve children in setting schedules.
When children participate in creating guidelines and schedules, they are more likely to believe the guidelines are important, accept them, and follow them. To involve children, parents can set up a family meeting.
At the meeting, parents can discuss the schedule and ask children for their input on decisions like what time everyone should be out of bed and dressed, when breaks from schoolwork would work best, and where each family member should be during study time.
‘… listen to a child’s ideas …’
When parents listen to a child’s ideas, it helps them own their behaviour and be more engaged in what they are doing. There may be differences in opinion but parents can negotiate with their children so that at least some of the children’s ideas are adopted. Resolving conflicts is an important skill for children to learn, and they learn it best from their parents.
Allow children some choice.
Parents can present some chores around the house, and children can choose which they prefer.
‘… do the dishes before or after watching TV …’
They can also pick when or how they complete them; do they want to do the dishes before or after watching their TV show? Parents can also give children choices about what fun activity they would like to do at the end of the day or for a study break.
Listen and provide empathy.
Children will be more open to hearing about what they need to do if they feel that their own perspectives are understood. Parents can let children know that they understand, for example, that it is not fun to be in the house and that they miss being with their friends.
‘… When parents show they understand, cooperation is enhanced …’
When parents show that they understand, cooperation is enhanced, as is the parent-child relationship.
Provide reasons for rules.
When parents provide reasons for why they are asking for something, children can better understand the importance of acting in particular ways.
‘… have more time for fun …’
Reasons will be most effective when they are meaningful to the children in terms of the children’s own goals. For example, a parent can say that dividing up family chores will help everyone have more time for fun activities after dinner.
Problem-solve together.
Not everything will go according to plan; there will be times of frustration, nagging, and yelling. When things aren’t working out, parents can try engaging in joint problem-solving with their children, which means employing empathy, identifying the issue, and finding ways to resolve it. This practice can help children to feel more ownership of their behaviour and will make them more likely to cooperate.
A pandemic presents challenges for parents, but using motivational strategies can help parents provide a calmer and more effective environment that also facilitates a positive parent-child relationship.
‘… provide a calmer and more effective environment …’
These strategies require time and patience; studies show that parents are likely to yell and demand when they are stressed. That’s why it’s important for parents to find time for their own self-care and rejuvenation; it can be by exercising, meditating, or writing in a journal.